Dear Miss Wildcards,
Now that I’m in Wild Cards what do I
do? I’m afraid.
-Scared in Pittsburg
Dear Scared,
Of course, you’re scared, dear. Who wouldn’t be? After all, you have some 300 named characters and 23 books chock-a-block-filled with plots to learn. And you’ll be quizzed on all of this. Miss
Wild Cards knows of where she speaks.
The best thing to do is to crawl under your covers with a large bottle of Scotch and start taking notes.
Dear Miss Wild Cards,
I want to write a sex scene, but I’m not sure if I should.
Honestly,
Not Horny in Memphis
Dear Honestly,
Have you read Wild Cards? The only question will be how many characters are used and how does that whole joker thing fit in.
Dear Miss Wild Cards,
I know that all of the Wild Cards books are thrilling, action-packed adventures — but which one has the most sex?
Sincerely,
Asking for a Friend
Dear Asking,
Miss Wild Cards is sensing a trend.
Dear Miss Wild Cards,
Is that a tentacle in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
Whoops, never mind. It’s a tentacle.
My bad,
Joker’s On Me
Dear Joker’s,
Funny.
I’m thinking my editor needs to be vetting these things more.
Dear Miss Wild Cards,
Wild Cards seems to run a little dark. As a writer, can I expect this to change anytime soon?
Sincerely,
Do I Really Need to go Darker on This?
Dear Do I Really,
Oh, precious, you knew the job was dangerous when you took it. Now go and write the kinds of things you’ll never be able to show your mother, your significant other, or anyone in law enforcement.
Dear Miss Wild Cards,
How do I create a joker now that I’m not supposed to use cute animals?
Sincerely Yours,
I Can Haz Furry Joker?
Dear Can I Haz,
Well, there goes Miss Wild Cards’ chinchilla-horsey joker named Mr. Fluffy for the next book.
Dear Miss Wild Cards,
I’m worried that I might have to write violent scenes now that I’m in Wild Cards.
Sincerely,
Sensitive Flower
Dear Flower,
I’m sorry, how did you get into the Consortium? Have you read Wild Cards? Is this a joke? Okay, someone is going to get hurt. I mean it. Knock it off. If I have to kill characters so do you!